love beyond time: the scandalous, beautiful legacy of Héloïse and abelard
I am in love with the concept of love. The greatest source of all. So…I decided to gift you something very special to me. My personal Valentine. The story of Héloïse and Abelard. Because: If love is a battlefield, then Abelard and Héloïse were its most unlikely warriors. Their affair - spanning brilliance obsession, scandal, and devotion - remains one of history´s most enigmatic romances and it is just as captivating now, as it was in the 12th century. There is something about the way they lived and loved that feels oddly contemporary.
Perhaps that is why their story remains one of the greatest inspirations for my work - a reflection on love that refuses to fit into a box. Just like creativity should not be confined. Just like garments should not merely be about aesthetics, but about feeling. About moving beyond the boundries imposed upon us, just as Abelard and Héloïse moved beyond the roles assigned to them. Crisp white cotton, soft linen, the age of black cork leather, a harness…This is what comes to my mind when I think about Héloïse and Abelard. The tension between fluidity and rigidity, between freedom and restriction, shapes designs. Fabric that resists and yields, silhouettes that defy categorisation - creation is at its most powerful when it refuses to be confined. So, let´s step back in time and see, how it all unfolded.
Revolutionary Passion, Beyond Convention
What makes their story so special is that it completely flips societal expectations. They didn´t just break the rules - they reinvented what those rules could even mean. Their love, while epic and tragic, wasn´t about the traditional boundaries of gender or status; it was about the fluidity of passion, the messiness of love, and the way real connection isn´t confined by time or social norms. If you are not feeling something when you read their letters, you might need to go check your pulse. It is raw, it is real.
Their correspondence, which traverses love, philosophy, and tragedy, reveals two people who created a relationship that would challenge conventions for centuries to come. What makes this story resonate even now is not merely its scandalous nature but the radical freedom it embodies. In the 12th century, a time when women were expected to occupy subordinate roles, Héloïse made a deliberate choice: to live according to her own desires, mind and autonomy. And in doing so, she rejected the notion that women´ voices, desires, and choices should be confined to societal norms. She - along with Abelard - carved out a love that was deeply personal, unconstrained, and alive in its intellectual and emotional complexity.
Peinture de 1919 représentant Abelard et Heloise, Eleonor Frotescue-Brickdale, 1919
Paris: A City of Collision
It all began in Paris, where Héloïse, a young woman of exceptional mind, was living with her uncle, Fulbert, a canon of the Notre-Dame Cathedral. Peter Abelard, a brilliant philosopher and theologian was hired to tutor Héloïse, and their relationship quickly evolved beyond academia into a passionate affair. However, this love was scandalous, obviously, Héloïse´s uncle, enraged by their secret, forced Abelard to marry her to protect her reputation. But Héloïse refused the marriage, unwilling to sacrifice their extraordinary bond.
When Héloïse became pregnant, the affair was exposed, leading to devastating consequences. Abelard was brutally castrated, both, as punishment and humiliation, organised by Héloïse´s uncle, while she was sent to a convent. Despite this, they continued to correspond through letters, exploring their love and unique connection. These letters, which have survived to this day, reveal the deep bond between them, a love marked by mutual respect, complexity, and defiance of societal norms.
But: In 12th-century Paris, Héloïse and Peter Abelard didn’t simply meet - they collided. It was a city where ideas were exchanged, where the future was shaped by intense debates and intellectual sparring. Their union wasn´t one of simple attraction, but a clash of minds, of ambitions, of power. Power of love.
Héloïse wasn’t just some medieval woman waiting for a man to give her a voice. She had a voice. A brilliant, sharp one. She wasn´t out here for someone’s approval or trying to fit into the neat boxes society had drawn up for women in the 12th century. She wasn´t meant to be a wife, a mother, or a passive beauty. And then there was Abelard, who saw her mind before anything else - before the fact that she was a woman, before the expectations of her place in society. He saw the fierce intelligence that made her more than just an object of desire.
Their love was more than passion - it was a clash of minds, a collision of ideas that didn´tfit into neat little categories. There bond wasn´t about him teaching her, or being some romantic hero. They were equals. Theirs was a meeting of intellectuals that turned into something deeply personal, edgy, scandalous, and yes, into beautiful Chaos.
The Radical Freedom of Desire
But why does this story still hit? Why does it still feel like a punch in the gut? Why is it so timeless? Perhaps because love - real love - refuses to conform? Just like back then, so today? It is not about fitting into someone else’s expectations or playing by a set of rules. It is about freedom, autonomy, and owning your choices. Héloïse didn’t wait for permission. She didn´t ask for anyone’s approval to love, to think, to live. She grabbed freedom by the throat and didn’t let go.
After the scandal of their affair exploded, Héloïse could’ve just slid into the role they gave her. The fallen women, the victim…or the married one. But that is not the story she chose. She did not bow her head. Instead, she took her power back, unapologetically.
In her letters to Abelard, she flips the script entirely:
“If the name of wife appears more scared or more valid, sweeter to me is always the word lover; or, if you will permit, that of concubine, or whore.”
She didn´t accept the label of “wife” society wanted to stick to her, as if that was the pinnacle of what a woman´s life could be. She chose to claim the word lover. Héloïse didn’t wait for someone to define her; she defined herself.
Their love was never about adhering to an ideal. I was transgressive, androgynous, and radical. It rejected power structures and the rigid gender roles of its time. What they had was something rare, something even now we struggle to define - a love that existed outside of control, beyond ownership, beyond rules.
Heloise and Abelard Kissing, Illustration from `lettres d`Heloise et d`Abelard`, 1839
Blurring the Lines
Héloïse was not interested in fitting into the prescribed roles of her time. In an era that demanded women be passive and ornamental, she rewrote the script. Sharp, assertive, and not shying away from the power of the mind, Héloïse refused to conform to the soft femininity expected of her. Instead, she blurred the traditional boundaries between femininity and masculinity, blending into her own complex identity. She was brilliant, assertive, and unafraid to wield her mind as her greatest weapon - qualities typically reserved for men in the 12th century.
In her relationship with Abelard, Héloïse wasn’t merely the object of affection or a passive muse. She was his equal - intellectually and emotionally - challenging him, pushing boundaries, and holding the dynamic to suit both of their desires. Her brilliance wasn´t limited by gender; she created a space where knowledge and passion could coexist, where strength and vulnerability could be interwoven.
In Héloïse, the lines between feminine and masculine blurred, not only as a rebellion, but as an evolution of love itself. She wasn´t defined by her gender, but by her actions, her mind, and her heart. Her relationship with Abelard was a partnership of equals - intellectually stimulating, emotionally profound, and unapologetically complex. Their love wasn´t a conquest; it was an act of radical authenticity, a revolution rooted in courage.
Breaking Free: Let the Love Rule, Paris 2024
Breaking Free: Let the Love Rule
Centuries later, we are still stuck in rigid categories that dictate how we should live, love, and connect. Expectations box us in, telling us who we should be, what we should want, and how much of ourselves we are allowed to show. These structures not only limit us - they build walls between us, keeping us from the depth, freedom, and authenticity that real connection demands.
Héloïse and Abelard showed a different way. And that is what I admire about their story, there is the relevance. They weren´t just lovers; they were equals, intellectual partners who challenged and inspired each other. Their relationship was a role model of how friendship, deep conversation, and genuine affection can coexist, proving that true connection isn´t about fitting into roles - it is about breaking free from them.
Today, where we are still shackled by outdated roles and labels, their bond serves as a revolt against the system. Héloïse and Abelard’s love wasn´t just personal - it was political, a challenge to the structures that keep us from breaking free and building the real, raw connections we desire.
Why This Love Still Matters
The power of their story lies in its capacity to make us question not just the nature of love but how we approach identity, power, and autonomy. In a society that still prescribes narrow paths for love, success, and happiness, the relationship between Héloïse and Abelard calls us to break free of these constrains. It asks us to live without apology, to embrace our complexity, and to understand that love requires us to be unapologetically ourselves.
Love that is real, unconditional, and intellectually charged is not merely a fleeting feeling. It is a force that, when allowed to exist freely, enables us to transcend the limitations of our roles. Héloïse and Abelard’s love was an act of freedom - freedom to think, to feel, to choose, and above all, to live without the rigid expectations placed upon them.
In the end, this story is not simply about romance. It is about the power of choice, of defiance, and of freedom in a world that continually asks us to fit in. It is about the permission to love, to think, to be - without boundaries. In that freedom, we find the truest form of love, and, perhaps, the truest form of ourselves.
Today both, Peter Abelard and Héloïse are buried together in the Père Lachaise Cemetery in Paris, a final resting place that reflects the enduring power of their love. Their graves have become a pilgrimage site for those who recognise the complexity and bravery of their relationship - a love that still challenges us to think beyond boundaries and embrace radical authenticity today.
So that is it. This is one of the stories that drives me - my source. Every design process needs an anchor, a spark, something to react to. Whether it is industrial, technical, or historical, inspiration is everywhere. Go find it, let it sink in, push it, shape it - then create something that speaks entirely in your own voice.
https://www.gutenberg.org/files/35977/35977-h/35977-h.htm
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/151390.The_Letters_of_Ab_lard_and_H_lo_se
https://archives.seine-et-marne.fr/fr/pierre-abelard-1079-1142-et-heloise-1101-1164
https://digitalcommons.winthrop.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1126&context=graduatetheses